Friday, December 5, 2014


ADOPTION UPDATE!!!! Almost ten months ago we were matched with Simon from South Korea. He is now 18months old, living in a foster home, and seems to be doing well. We get 3 pictures a month in addition to updates about his growth and development. We also get to send him a gallon sized baggie of clothes and toys when we find another adoptive family who is traveling. International adoption is very expensive and timely, but we felt God called us to Simon from the first time we saw his little picture. For the last ten months we have just been waiting and fundraising. It is crazy to think of falling in love with a child thru pictures, but that is exaxtly what has happened. We have really had no idea of a time line other than to watch those that have gone before us. TODAY HOWEVER, we received word that Korea has requested our file to prepare for emigration permit submission! I look at this step as being in the batters' circle. It is exciting because we have had many many months with no movement and now the reality of Simon is starting to return. The file request that we got today tipically comes about 6-9 months before we would get called for korean court and then another call about a month after court to return for custody. So we still have some waiting to do, but we are super excited for this new movement and the red tape updates that'll come more often over the next few months.

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Nearing a year.....

REFLECTIONS...... July came quickly this year. I can't believe it has been a year since Jack was born. The end of last summer was a total blur for me. Every day was not a good day and I wasn't sure if I would ever feel truly happy again. I remember the moment that I was driving and I had a little feeling of lightness with a happy emotion behind it. It caught my grief off guard and it went as quickly as it came. That little moment slowly morphed into me learning to live again as the new me. Slowly a seemingly good day snuck in and over the months another and then another. Eventually, after many months, Id say that I experience more good days than bad. That I have more smiles than tears. It's been hard and confusing, but I have been trying. I was never going to "get over" not having my son. I was never going to see that "it was for a reason". I was never going to fully understand or accept. But God tugged me along He keeps me moving and growing. Sometimes I feel wise and strong and able to reach out and help others while other times I feel selfish, confused, angry, and completely unable to care about much of anything. July approaching has made my emotions more difficult. Each day is a memory of where I was last year at this time and what my thoughts and fears and HOPES were then. I had no idea what was to come or how I would deal. On another hand I look and think "it's been a whole year and you don't have this figured out yet?!" I just fear that I still don't know how to BE. I feel unstable with my grief. I am so scared that it is going to suck me in and any progress my loved ones thought I've made is going to disappear. I'm trying to find meaning. Im trying to allow God to lead me to my next journey. To use this hurt, this love, to glorify Him and help others. I'm trying. I think. I mostly need to find a balance between growing and making my life and Jack's life what it's meant to be and then with dealing with my hurt and anguish. My human nature is wanting to find someone to blame and my God is wanting to help me beyond those emotions. I'm trying to learn to trust Him and work for His glory even though I don't understand WHY. I could ramble on about my emotions for daaaays, but Ill spare you (for now;)) and move on... THE KIDS....... We speak of Jack every day. Layla now also has more good times than bad when mentioning him, but I can see the hurt there for sure. I was pleased that focusing on Simon and his adoption wouldn't take away from Jack or their love for him. Them, just like us and our parents have two totally different parts of our heart for these boys as individuals. Im certain that whatever path God leads our family down will have a piece of Jack reflected in it as our reason for being strong and willing. CELEBRATING....... I'm not looking forward to the 17th or the 20th, that's for sure, BUT Im trying to plan ahead to think of what we should do to honor and remember our boy. Im trying to remember the 17th was the best day if my life and that is reason to celebrate and the 20th was the best moment of Jack's when he was greeted with his Lord. I want to have happy feelings about this anniversary time. However, my current remembrance preference includes a dark room and a giant bedspread over my head for four days, but I know I would regret that so Im trying to plan small activities... We plan to release a stringless balloon again, watch Jack's videos, look at all of his things and scrapbooks, light candles, plant a tree, spend time with our parents, and we will visit Children's Mercy on the 17th where we will deliver the nurses and doctors flowers with Jack Packs and coffee ;) Loved ones have asked what we might want then to do to remember Jack's sweet little life - perhaps light a candle in his memory or release a single blue balloon and pray for all the hurt and hope while you watch it float into the clouds. And most definitely, like always, we invite you to share that time with us. While it may be awkward or unsure, please know that telling us you're remembering Jack is always welcome and appreciated.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

March Adoption Update

**I realized my blog is a bit outdated and apologize to my readers who are not my FB friends. An update: ********* We continue to miss and think of Jack every day. This week marks eight months since we held him. I have sent many Jack Packs around the country to pregnant mothers who are struggling to find a balance between grief and hope. ********* Shortly after starting the adoption process, progress in Ethiopia went down hill and we were quickly narrowed and moved to the special needs program in China. We spent about two months waiting and learning there. After a turn of events with our agency we happen to be glancing at a waiting child list for Korea when we found Simon. We requested his file and after reviewing it with our pediatrician and prayers we requested a hold on him. We received initial approval from South Korea. Now we wait for our home study to be approved and submitted and then will get additional approval before a wait that will most likely be over a year before they call is for travel. In the mean time we get monthly health and development updates and photos and are able to send him small packages if we find a traveling adoptive family. After being inspired by another Korean adoptive mommy I decided to journal to Simon while I wait to hold him. *************************************** My Simon- I look at your pictures and think about you every day. I wonder what you're doing. I wonder what your likes and dislikes are. I feel an ache in my heart looking and waiting for you. Please know we're trying. Please we're doing all we can to get you here. I pray your comfortable, happy, and well taken care of like you seem to be. Last night we had our social worker over for a few hours. We talked a lot about you. We talked a lot about Jack. And how our love for Jack has led us to you. We are stronger now. We are ready for you. I've been doing all I can to learn about Korea and adoptions and listening to other adoptees and adoptive parents. We're trying to busy ourselves preparing while we wait. My heart is trying not to be sad, but rather joyous. We hope you like your toys and your photos and your big brother's clothes that we sent. We can't wait to get your next update. We are so excited and proud of how strong and sweet you are. -Mom